10.30.2010
Reverse Photoshops
or making starlets fat.
Gizmodo - Reverse Photoshops
I do wonder if this is what they do to get before/after for those gimmick exercises and diets.
1. I'm pretty sure 8 minute abs doesn't give you a crazy sixpack especially if your sixpack is covered by a keg. 2. That shaking weight thingy which looks like you are giving the weights a handjob doesn't make you ripped like the guys and gals they have on the advertisement.
3. The bowflex doesn't make you ripped just by working out 10-15 minutes a day.
And I know every commercial says at the bottom **Results not typical**. You want to know why? Because the people that look like that are doing so much more to achieve their results. Nothing is ever as easy as giving a barbell a handjob.
Gizmodo - Reverse Photoshops
I do wonder if this is what they do to get before/after for those gimmick exercises and diets.
1. I'm pretty sure 8 minute abs doesn't give you a crazy sixpack especially if your sixpack is covered by a keg. 2. That shaking weight thingy which looks like you are giving the weights a handjob doesn't make you ripped like the guys and gals they have on the advertisement.
3. The bowflex doesn't make you ripped just by working out 10-15 minutes a day.
And I know every commercial says at the bottom **Results not typical**. You want to know why? Because the people that look like that are doing so much more to achieve their results. Nothing is ever as easy as giving a barbell a handjob.
10.26.2010
Soccer Tots or the reason I'm going to stab other parents
So the short version about Lucas. Lucas did about what was expected for Soccer Tots. Ran around wanting to do everything but the activity planned for him.
The activities were a little above his pay grade at the moment:
1. Running (zig-zag) through cones and then kicking a ball in to the net. If he got the whole "you aren't supposed to use your hands during soccer then we might have been able to do that one."
2. Spreading out cones in the field and kicking them over. Lucas has a stacking fetish. It is weird, man.
3. An obstacle course that was run through one after another. Ladder on the ground to step in and out of, hoops to run through like he was a little doggie (part of me wanted to light the hoops on fire for a dramatic effect), zig-zag through cones again, and kick a soccer ball in the net.
Those are the ones I remember as being the hardest. The other activities Lucas could have gotten in some time. All in all, I think Lucas needs about 4-6 months and he'll be fine with these activities.
The other bad part was Lucas was ready for two fields worth of screaming kids and toddlers around him. He was really overwhelmed with all that.
Maybe it is just my nature but when I see fat, overweight parents running around with their kids on the soccer field and then obnoxious cheering them on, I really wanted to just go over there and tackle the mom and punch her repeatedly until she regained her senses (and put a muzzle and garbage bag on her). The kid is two or three tops. You really have no idea if he'll be the next Pele, Beckham, or if I knew anything about soccer then I could name a third dude.
Let them have fun and cheer them on but ffs lady and dude. Do it with a modicum of sanity. I cheer Lucas on but just because he kicks the ball doesn't mean I gotta act like he won the Super Bowl. So for next time, just take a second and look outside yourself. I know those people probably have no idea that they look like a bunch of tools but remember your childhood is over. You are now just the fat, lazy slobs that look really silly chasing their kid across the field and after ten seconds you put your hands on your knees and huff and puff.
Don't be like those people.
The activities were a little above his pay grade at the moment:
1. Running (zig-zag) through cones and then kicking a ball in to the net. If he got the whole "you aren't supposed to use your hands during soccer then we might have been able to do that one."
2. Spreading out cones in the field and kicking them over. Lucas has a stacking fetish. It is weird, man.
3. An obstacle course that was run through one after another. Ladder on the ground to step in and out of, hoops to run through like he was a little doggie (part of me wanted to light the hoops on fire for a dramatic effect), zig-zag through cones again, and kick a soccer ball in the net.
Those are the ones I remember as being the hardest. The other activities Lucas could have gotten in some time. All in all, I think Lucas needs about 4-6 months and he'll be fine with these activities.
The other bad part was Lucas was ready for two fields worth of screaming kids and toddlers around him. He was really overwhelmed with all that.
Maybe it is just my nature but when I see fat, overweight parents running around with their kids on the soccer field and then obnoxious cheering them on, I really wanted to just go over there and tackle the mom and punch her repeatedly until she regained her senses (and put a muzzle and garbage bag on her). The kid is two or three tops. You really have no idea if he'll be the next Pele, Beckham, or if I knew anything about soccer then I could name a third dude.
Let them have fun and cheer them on but ffs lady and dude. Do it with a modicum of sanity. I cheer Lucas on but just because he kicks the ball doesn't mean I gotta act like he won the Super Bowl. So for next time, just take a second and look outside yourself. I know those people probably have no idea that they look like a bunch of tools but remember your childhood is over. You are now just the fat, lazy slobs that look really silly chasing their kid across the field and after ten seconds you put your hands on your knees and huff and puff.
Don't be like those people.
Why I don't/do work.
I was thinking this morning. This is a rare occurrence since Lucas was born as normally my next thought is, "Okay 3 hours till Lucas goes to sleep." or "2 hours until nap time." or "Must drink more coffee." or "12 years of martial arts training allowed me to parry and block the incoming toy aimed at my head." and that thought is mostly followed by "OW, I just got head butted in the groin. I better pay more attention."
But I digress, the reason I stay motivated at work is because we have a goal/milestone/deliverable. Now, at work, we've delivered our silly deadline (but not really a deadline) piece of work. And for the past two days, I haven't wanted to do a damn thing at work. Although at home, I emptied the litter boxes, cleaned up the kitchen a bit, and burned some video CD/DVDs for a friend. There is no real deadline/plan at work so I guess I'm just left to my own devices to figure out what needs to be done.
That just doesn't work for me. I like an overall goal and then a plan to get there with sub-goals. At home we do the same thing. Ally makes a list because its her OCD and way of procrastination combo thingy that happens but we know what we need to get done and usually it gets done.
You'd think that a company could do the same thing or would REQUIRE that thing.
So to the point of all this - it doesn't matter whether I'm at home or in the office. I will do work if there is a plan and a deadline to meet. It doesn't matter if Lucas is screaming in my ear, flinging oatmeal, flinging poo, or doing stage dives off the coffee table. If there isn't a plan then it doesn't matter where I'm at. I'm being a lazy shit.
But I digress, the reason I stay motivated at work is because we have a goal/milestone/deliverable. Now, at work, we've delivered our silly deadline (but not really a deadline) piece of work. And for the past two days, I haven't wanted to do a damn thing at work. Although at home, I emptied the litter boxes, cleaned up the kitchen a bit, and burned some video CD/DVDs for a friend. There is no real deadline/plan at work so I guess I'm just left to my own devices to figure out what needs to be done.
That just doesn't work for me. I like an overall goal and then a plan to get there with sub-goals. At home we do the same thing. Ally makes a list because its her OCD and way of procrastination combo thingy that happens but we know what we need to get done and usually it gets done.
You'd think that a company could do the same thing or would REQUIRE that thing.
So to the point of all this - it doesn't matter whether I'm at home or in the office. I will do work if there is a plan and a deadline to meet. It doesn't matter if Lucas is screaming in my ear, flinging oatmeal, flinging poo, or doing stage dives off the coffee table. If there isn't a plan then it doesn't matter where I'm at. I'm being a lazy shit.
10.22.2010
I was reading reddit and…
found many silly pick up lines and jokes all mashed up in one thread:
"Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork".
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Make me a sandwich
Or your eye will be too
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“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because your face is all fucked up.”
Walk up to a girl and rub your t-/shirt and say to her, "You know what type of material this is?" Invite her to rub it. She'll make a silly guess or say no, then you say, "That's boyfriend material."
Did it hurt? What? When you crawled your way up from the bowels of hell?
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Me: yoyo girl you said not to message if all i wanted was casual sex. so im messaging you for some serious, deliberate, premeditated sex. hit me back
Her: You so funny
Me: yeah baby girl im a regular loony tune. howd you like some elmer in your fudd?
Her: I'd love it and I've always wanted someone to ask me that exact question
Me: yeah girl i'mma pepe your pew. when you gonna let me hit that
EDIT: SHE STOPPED MESSAGING ME BEFORE I COULD PORKY HER PIG
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Guy: "Do you want to play army?"
Girl: "How?"
Guy: "Well I lay down and you blow the hell out of me"
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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz I can see myself in your pants
10.18.2010
New post in which I complain about not having a better title for my posts
There are a few problems with this whole blogging bit.
Number one being I don't put enough effort in to making creative blog entries which would captivate a reader or make them want to read more about the mundane happenings of my life. Take for instance, the Beta Dad blog where he describes an outing his wife, his two twins, and himself journey to a beach house and have some fun times. His description of the paintball outing he had was pretty amazing and creative as well as his description of the get-together his wife was having with her friends.
I find it against my nature to describe anything outside of sparse detail. So instead I say, "Jasmine pooped on the floor and it smells." In which someone else might say, "The smell wafting from the kitchen floor where the ferocious, furry cat left the malodorous pile of steaming dung." Maybe I should make every post about poop then I could definitely have some great descriptive text.
So I can't really tell why I don't get in to writing descriptively but I'm pretty sure I'll never be a blogger who does more than anyone else on the internet who just posts things they find interesting with a few extra sentences or labels.
Number two, I'm sure there was a number two, wtf was it? Ah, okay I remember. This blogging thing can be a lot of work. I find myself not really being able to do much else besides throw up the occasional silly article or paragraph of an update. Most topics, I just don't feel all that strongly about or want to post on the internet so we can have a slap fight.
I'm sure there were more reasons but I just can't think of anymore. Most likely I should just throw up pictures of Lucas and call it a day (I'll do it later).
Number one being I don't put enough effort in to making creative blog entries which would captivate a reader or make them want to read more about the mundane happenings of my life. Take for instance, the Beta Dad blog where he describes an outing his wife, his two twins, and himself journey to a beach house and have some fun times. His description of the paintball outing he had was pretty amazing and creative as well as his description of the get-together his wife was having with her friends.
I find it against my nature to describe anything outside of sparse detail. So instead I say, "Jasmine pooped on the floor and it smells." In which someone else might say, "The smell wafting from the kitchen floor where the ferocious, furry cat left the malodorous pile of steaming dung." Maybe I should make every post about poop then I could definitely have some great descriptive text.
So I can't really tell why I don't get in to writing descriptively but I'm pretty sure I'll never be a blogger who does more than anyone else on the internet who just posts things they find interesting with a few extra sentences or labels.
Number two, I'm sure there was a number two, wtf was it? Ah, okay I remember. This blogging thing can be a lot of work. I find myself not really being able to do much else besides throw up the occasional silly article or paragraph of an update. Most topics, I just don't feel all that strongly about or want to post on the internet so we can have a slap fight.
I'm sure there were more reasons but I just can't think of anymore. Most likely I should just throw up pictures of Lucas and call it a day (I'll do it later).
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